Who am I, really? How to discover your true identity
The short answer
Your true identity is who God says you are, not what you do, what you’ve done or what others have called you. To discover it, notice the names you’ve accepted for yourself, ask your Creator what He calls you, and let trusted brothers confirm what they see. Then speak that truth over yourself every day.
Why is “Who am I?” so hard for men to answer?
Most men have looked for the answer in the wrong places. In more than 20 years of coaching, Michael Warden says he has yet to meet a leader with a complete understanding of who he is. Men go looking for outside signs to tell them, and those sources always fall short.
Careers, roles and achievements can’t carry the weight. BraveHeart leader Steve Harper learned that when a disappointment in ministry hit him far harder than it should have. He had been getting his life from his work.
“Our identity is not in our ministry, it’s not in our work. It’s in Him.”Steve Harper
How the wrong names shape your life
The names you accept end up shaping the man you become. Richard Moore is a BraveHeart leader who called himself “small” for decades. It began with being the shortest kid on the team. As an adult it became a quiet belief that he mattered less than the men around him.
Part of the identity statement he came away from the BraveHeart Intensive with is “Lionheart.” To Richard, that means “I am a man of consequence.” He tells the story from the Bible of Rachel naming her son “son of my sorrow” as she died, and Jacob naming him Benjamin, “son of my right hand.” The father got to decide, and that’s Richard’s point: your Creator is the one who gets to name you.
Your Creator is the one who gets to name you.
Richard Moore
Three steps to discover your true identity
- Notice what you call yourself. Listen to your self-talk. Write down the names and labels you’ve been living under, whether you gave them to yourself or someone else did.
- Ask what your Creator calls you. Go through Scripture and see how God speaks to His children. Ask Him directly. Talk about it with men who know you.
- Embrace it every day. When something true comes, speak it over yourself. Steve Harper wrote his identity statement, recorded it on his phone, and says it every morning, sometimes more on hard days. King David did the same in one of his darkest moments, when he “strengthened himself in the Lord his God” (1 Samuel 30:6).
How do you become the man God made you to be?
You become him by staying connected to God, not by trying harder. Michael Warden’s summary after decades of working with men: “The more minutes of the day that you spend connected to God, the more you become the man you’re meant to be.”
That also means you can stop comparing yourself. Your wholeness doesn’t need to look like any other man’s. It needs to look like your true self in Christ. Once you know who you are, the next question is what you’re here to do, which is why identity and purpose belong together. Read how to find your purpose as a man.
Questions men ask
What is an identity statement?
An identity statement is a short description, in your own words, of who God says you are. Men write theirs at the BraveHeart Intensive and recite it as a daily practice. Steve Harper’s begins, “I’m a joyful, refreshing, reflective, free-flowing river of God’s Spirit.”
What does identity in Christ mean?
It means who you are comes from what God has done and how He sees you, not from your performance. As Steve Harper puts it, identity is what God thinks about you, and it’s about what God does, not what we do.
What comes first, identity or purpose?
Identity. Most men are taught that who they are comes from what they do, but BraveHeart teaches that mission flows out of identity, and identity flows out of intimacy with God.
Does my identity change if I fail, lose my job or my marriage ends?
No. Steve Harper told a man going through a hard time in his marriage, “Your identity is not in your marriage.” Your work, your marriage and your ministry matter deeply, but they aren’t who you are.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Join a free brotherhood of men on the same path, or go all the way in at the BraveHeart Intensive.
