How to find your purpose as a man

Why do so many men feel they have no purpose?

Most men are reacting to life, not leading it. They wake up, look for the fires that need putting out, and build a life around whatever is being asked of them by work, family and the culture around them.

“I wouldn’t say that they’ve had a purpose. I would say they’ve had a reaction.”Michael Warden

Michael hears this most often from men in their mid-30s and 40s. They have the career, the mortgage and the family. They did what was asked of them, and it feels hollow. The problem usually isn’t that they failed. Someone else was setting the agenda.

Is your purpose the same as your career?

No. Most men are taught that we find out who we are by what we do. BraveHeart teaches the opposite: you find out what to do by finding out who you are.

“There’s too much of you for a job to actually define.”Michael Warden

Beware of counterfeit missions. They come from the culture, from family, from other men and from your own shadow, and they are usually fueled by envy, greed, or the desire for validation or power. Your real mission is what you’re made to be up to every hour of every day, wherever you are.

Four steps to find your God-given purpose

1. Change the question you ask each morning. Stop asking only “What’s the problem, and how do I solve it?” Start asking, “What do I want to create today?” Ask it about your marriage, your kids, your work and your body. Then create something, even if it’s a single act of encouragement. Michael’s challenge is to do this for 30 days.
2. Give God 15 minutes every morning. Get still. Surrender your agenda for the day, as simply as, “Teach me about You. Teach me about me. Teach me how to follow You moment to moment.” Then spend the rest of the time listening. You’ll find more on this in how to grow closer to God.
3. Check your heading. Men rarely blow up their lives on purpose. They drift, one degree at a time. Ask where you’ve drifted this past year and what small course correction would bring you back. “We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away” (Hebrews 2:1).
4. Say it out loud in a circle of men. You’re not designed to find your way alone. Purpose gets clearer when trusted brothers can confirm what they see in you, and that’s why BraveHeart does this work in small groups.

How do you live your God-given purpose once you know it?

You put it into words, then build your days around it. At the BraveHeart Intensive, every man leaves with a mission statement unique to him. BraveHeart leader Steve Harper’s is “to bring the presence of God into every situation.” A statement like that works anywhere: at home, at work, or in a hard conversation.

You also need the right ground to grow in. Your values are the habitat God designed you for, and many men blame themselves when they’re simply in the wrong one. An eagle is built to ride thermals, and it won’t thrive in a swamp. Knowing who you really are tells you where you were made to thrive.